The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
