When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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