We won't sleep together?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize