I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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