I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
