so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
