Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
