So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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