worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
