girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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