You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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