Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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