It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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