I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
