remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
