God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
