On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
