I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
