how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
