You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
