I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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