i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
