Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
