So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
