so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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