Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
