Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
