I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
