if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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