this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
