sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
