i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
