just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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