last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize