just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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