i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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