I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
