Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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