The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
