i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
