So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
