Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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