Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
