I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize