can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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