So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
