I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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