omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
PANTIES FOUND
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