I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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