Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
