and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
