You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
