I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
