I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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