dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
