bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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