I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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