can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
