Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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