It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh god it's open bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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