First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
