i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Please don't give away my fajitas
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