Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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