And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
