She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
