I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
