my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
