So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
