So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize