how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
