i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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