i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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