Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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