the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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