we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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