That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
