It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
