My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
