I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
