You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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