I'm really into asian looking animals
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
