you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
