What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
