omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
