I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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