Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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