You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
