the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Farmville is her only friend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
